Food Fight

This evening, making my way home from the zoo with a van full of my children, I noticed a fellow driver.  An older gentleman in an expensive car, sunroof open.  Where was he going, I wondered?  (And how did he make all his money???,  I also wondered.)  I saw him pull into an elite (because there is no other kind) country club, and felt a pang of pity for him.  Poor guy.  All alone at dinnertime, paying people to be his friend.  No money, no more friends.  So sad.  And me?  Why I was going home to dinner, surrounded by my loved ones,  or at least people who were stuck with me, for better or for worse.

Of course, I didn’t exactly go grocery shopping this weekend, so my husband had to stop by the store for dinner items on his way home from work.  The sink was full of dishes, since we’d been out most of the day.  I’d squeezed in the zoo trip to take advantage of the last gasps of beautiful weather, but this meant we were getting home late.  The natives were getting restless, and coming to me with their technology “problems” (What’s Daddy’s password?  Can you set up this game for me?) as I tried to simultaneously cook and clean.  I pulled the plug on technology at that point, which I can only compare to the eruption of multiple volcanoes.  Lava pooled around the house in the form of whining, tantrums, and other horrible noises that no one should have to endure.  Oh, yeah.  This is what mealtime sounds like.  Did the gentleman I pitied have a spot at his table for me?

Oh, Food.  Food.  Let me tell you about food.  Food is like a marriage.  When you are old enough to make your own food decisions and prepare meals, it’s like a whole new romance.   Wow!  I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want.  You think of how you can spend time together.  Restaurants, new cuisine, and cooking!  Yes, cooking.  Making food of your own choosing gives you new-found power.  Maybe a little bit of ego: “My lasagna is better than any restaurant’s.  And I made it myself.”  It’s sort of fun, when it’s just the two of you.  No pressure; it’s all for kicks, and there is so much freedom you don’t even think about how much freedom you have.

But then.  The Children.  The Children enter in.  Maybe a partner or spouse, too.  You can’t decide who is pickier.  Now it’s not quite as much fun.  The Food is always there.  ALWAYS.  Wake up in the morning?  BREAKFAST.  And then?  SNACKS.  Hey, Food!  I need a break.  NOPE, ‘CAUSE NOW IT’S LUNCHTIME.  More SNACKS.  And get ready, because this show isn’t over.  In fact, the main attraction is appearing last in the lineup, which is DINNER.  Yes, when everyone is tired and cranky and would like nothing more than to lie on the couch together, it’s back to work on Food.

Now you have to think a lot more about Food, because Food won’t leave you alone.  Now Food becomes very, very Needy and Demanding.  Nutrition (sugar is bad, gluten is bad, meat is bad, everything is bad).  Quality of Food (GMOs, chemicals, organic vs. not).   Balancing pickiness with taste preferences.   Meal planning.  Shopping.  Cooking.  Serving.  Cleaning.  Over, and over, and over again.  All day after day after day after day after day after day. . .

The time.  The money.  Sucked away by Food.

You think you can escape it, right?  You leave your house.  It won’t leave you alone.  Food.  People demand it.  “But I’m HUNGRY!”  School, work, errands, and fun all have to pause for Food. Repeatedly.  Got a long drive to make?  Sorry, you’ll have to make a stop for Food, at least once, but more like 500 times.  Planning a vacation?  Money spent on a beachfront hotel view will, instead, go for more Food, and you can stare at the ice machine in the lobby instead.  Or maybe you can’t even go on vacation because the Food costs so much.  Stay home and cook and clean.

So you try to rekindle the romance again.  Stay positive!  Maybe hang out on Pinterest to oooh and ahhh over pictures of Food That Will Delight Your Family.  You buy a new cookbook or two.  Bring a little bit of experimentation into the relationship and visit new grocery stores.  The grocery stores know this.  They know how you are struggling with Food, which is why some of them have live piano music while you shop.  They know that the relationship is weakening, and that you are starting to check out.  CHECK OUT.  So they set up a juice bar, perhaps, to entice you back into being excited about the drudgery of Food, and make the checkout line easy as pie to get through.  Or you’ll check out.

People sometimes ask themselves, “If I didn’t have this obstacle, where would I be?”  I’ll tell you this: if I could have access to a pill that would provide all of the nutrients needed and was inexpensive, my life would change.  Suddenly, the tyranny of the dishes would come screeching to a halt.  Planning and shopping?   Unnecessary.   That guilty feeling of seeing wasted Food in the refrigerator?  GONE.  Money?  Lining my pockets.  Peace would reign in my Queendom.

Let’s expand that to the rest of the world.  Imagine if no one had to contend with Food.  No more starving people.  No more fighting for resources.  No more hours of time spent on Food.  Of course, the economy in many areas may collapse, given that Food is a bazillion dollar industry, but that’s a small price to pay.

I think I need a copy of Brave New World.  See, there’s this pill I want to invent . . .

How about you?  Is Food your Friend or Foe?

photo credit: KROCKY MESHKIN via photopin cc